On June 23rd 2014 I will be heading to Denver, CO
to start a Discipleship Training School (DTS) through Youth With A Mission
(YWAM). The program, which I am so
blessed to be a part of, is called the Around the World (ATW) DTS. The first
two months will be spent in Denver studying God’s word, learning about His
love, examining our current relationship with Him, developing that relationship,
and preparing for the missions field.
The next three months will be spent traveling to six different
places all over this planet serving God, and serving others, by sharing His
love and all we learned during the lecture phase of the program. Currently, the nations we will be visiting are: Guatemala, Hungary, France, South Africa, Nepal, and Hong Kong. Throughout this amazing journey I have
decided to keep a blog documenting my adventures and all the wonderful things
God will undoubtedly teach me along the way. I figured the best place to start would
be at the real beginning of my spiritual journey, that is, how and when I
surrendered my life to Jesus, and started walking with the Lord.
As a quick disclaimer, I plan on being fully honest and open
in this blog. For the Bible says “but if we walk in the light, as
He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of
Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we
deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”
(1 John 1:7,8) To truly fellowship with others, I need to be able to share
whatever experiences God calls me to share, so that He can use that openness to
develop meaningful and fruitful relationships. There are aspects of this story that are not very nice. I
have had some pretty dark moments in my life. However every single thing that
has happened to me I would not take back, because it is this exact path I have
traveled that lead me to Jesus, and that makes everything worth it. For the
Bible also says “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) A
lot of times I do not see or understand that purpose, but there is no reason to
despair, since my story has lead me to know Christ, it ultimately is a happy
one.
I did not grow up in the Church. While I was baptized as a
baby, and my family classifies themselves as Christians, we only attended
service on Christmas and Easter. I had a kid’s Bible, my family definitely
shared with me the basics about Jesus, and they always encouraged a loving,
generous, spiritual environment, but that was as far as my childhood
experiences with the Lord go.
When I was seventeen a friend invited me to church and for
the first time I really felt a draw towards Jesus. See, when I was fourteen I
was raped by the first boyfriend I ever had after breaking up with him. I had
also just moved to New Zealand from the USA and was experiencing a ton of
anti-American bullying. The combination of these things led me to become
suicidal, and I attempted to take my own life more than once. So when I was told
that there was a Savior, who had died on the cross so that all my sins were already
forgiven, and that He would love me no matter what, I desperately wanted to
know more. I attended service every Sunday, participated in youth group, and even
worked for the Church, but unfortunately I still did not understand that being
a Christian is about a relationship with God, it isn’t just a religion. All I
saw was this long list of rules, and they weren’t things I wanted to do, so I
turned away from God. I wanted a Savior, but I was not ready to accept anyone
as my Lord. I was only concerned
with how God could serve me, not how I could serve Him.
Once I started going to university, my views were completely
switched around. For five years I would gleefully crush anyone who believed in
God with strong arguments for atheism. Of course I wanted there to be no doubt
in my mind that God was just made up, because if He was real, I would have to
admit to a whole lot of sin. You
name it, I have probably done it. The more I tried to defend my exceptionally
hedonistic lifestyle, the more depressed I became. I was the perfect
illustration of Proverbs 26:11 - “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool
repeats his folly.” I would get to the point of suicide, then try to pick myself
up again by filling the void with an excess amount of the same sin that got me there
in the first place. Therefore it seems fitting that I would finally hit my
absolute rock bottom in Las Vegas, aka Sin City.
Last summer I went on a road trip with some girl friends to
Las Vegas with the sole intention to party like a rock star for the weekend.
Instead I became the victim of a disgusting scam used to exploit women, and was
once again sexually assaulted. After this happened, all I kept thinking was,
“there is no way I can go through this again, there is just no way. I can’t.”
At first I tried to cope with it in my usual way, by drowning it out with
continuous alcohol consumption, but it just wasn’t working. Then I started to
have thoughts in my mind about God. I would be listening to the radio and only
Christian broadcasts would come up as I shuffled through the stations. One day
while I was driving I sort of blacked out and suddenly was pulling up to a
church. Things that I had just shrugged off in the past became less easy to
shrug off. In particular I thought of the times in my life when I had tried to
kill myself and surely should be dead. After one overdose incident, I suffered from
renal failure, and the doctors could not figure out what to do. When everything
suddenly started functioning normally again all on its own, they were baffled,
and the only thing I received that was even close to an explanation was “it
really is a miracle” and “oh how great to be young and healthy.” There was another time after an
overdose where I spent an entire day non-stop vomiting up blood. That time I really
thought I was going to die. Yet, within three days I was back at work. There
are so many instances of things happening in my life that I cannot explain,
except to say that God is great, and with Him, all things are possible.
I finally broke down, cried out to God, and declared, that I
believe Jesus Christ is our Savior and Lord. I admitted that I desperately
needed Him, and that I wanted to completely surrender my life to Him and His
will, because I finally realized I could not do it on my own; my way does not
work, for only His way brings truth. Since then I have watched Him answer so
many of my prayers and do so many things I never imagined possible, including
lifting the grief, despair, and guilt I felt over what happened in Las Vegas. I
never thought I would be able to process through a trauma like that again, but as
I surrendered and focused on my relationship with Him, He put people and
support in my life, showed me things that filled me with hope and strength, and
guided me to healing. Again, “for nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37) Now
when I think of any horrible thing I have experienced in my life, I reflect
upon James 1:2,3 - “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials
of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith develops
perseverance.” I trust that God will use these experiences to build up my
strength and to help others, and I am just so grateful that I came to know Him
before things got even worse!
That isn’t to say that everything suddenly became absolutely
perfect though. I still have times where I stumble, and struggle, big time. The
occasions when I fall the hardest though, are when I stray from Him. While I am
walking with the Lord, there are obstacles, but when I surrender those
obstacles to Him and trust the purpose He has for me, a sensation of peace
remains even in the darkest moments. Jesus tells us “for whoever wants to save
his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel
will save it.” (Mark 8:35) It is incredibly hard to completely deny my old
self. That does not mean that God is calling me to be a completely different
person, He wants us all to be the special, unique way He made us. It does,
however, mean that I have to give up the things that I know are sinful and
purely selfish endeavors, and instead use my passions to serve Him and others. That
was particularly puzzling at first because I wasn’t quite sure how some of my
greatest passions fit in with Christianity.
For instance, I have always considered myself a feminist,
but knew the Bible said something about women submitting to men. The verses
which discuss the idea of submission are not so one dimensional, they are
focused towards a wife and her husband, and demand sacrifices from both members
of a marriage, as is seen where it states “wives, submit to your own husbands
as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the
church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:22,25) Yet, even after
reading this, I still questioned God about how I could be passionate about
women’s rights and be a Christian. It was heavy on my heart one day as I was aimlessly
flipping through my Bible when I came upon a note that was titled ‘Women’s
Rights.’ It discussed how women’s rights were really an integral part of
Christianity, because even though the generation that Jesus lived in absolutely
denied women equality, He called everyone to love each other as equals. I think
one of the most empowering verses in the Bible is Galatians 3:26-29 - “so in Christ Jesus you are all
children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ
have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither
slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ
Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs
according to the promise.”
This
verse also carried over to another misconception I held about ‘Christians.’ I
had this image in my mind of people demonstrating outside abortion clinics and
at LGBT events, spewing absolute hate and discrimination, claiming to be doing
so in the name of God. However Jesus asks us “why do you look at the speck of
sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own
eye?” (Matthew 7:3) First and foremost we should be focusing on our sin, not shifting
focus by judging others. Jesus also tells us that the second most important commandment
out of any of the other laws ever written is to “love your neighbor as yourself.”
(Mark 12:31) Nowhere in the Bible does it say that if something is a
particularly popular topic of controversy in society, we can suddenly throw
what Jesus has said out the window, and go ahead and treat people like we have
never even heard of love or Christ before. Another way we are all equal in the eyes
of God, is that we are all sinners, we all make mistakes, and all have our own
temptations in life, which serve as obstacles. He forgives us and loves us
equally no matter what. It is not our place to judge, only God can do that, and
if we do see someone stumbling, we should be loving them all the more,
supporting them, not driving them further into despair so we can feel better
about, or ignore, our own short comings.
God shows me new things, teaches me new lessons, and has new
mercies for me everyday. The process of becoming more Christ like is just that.
It is a journey that will last my whole life. But God is so faithful and honors
those who follow Him. A great example of this came when I was accepted to be a part
of this DTS. It begins on June 23rd. The incident in Las Vegas
occurred on June 23rd. Instead of spending the one-year mark of this
event feeling crushed, I will be filled with excitement and an absolutely
assured sense of awe, because God restores even the most brokenhearted people.
So this is
where I am right now. I am walking with the Lord and I have started to explore
the passions He has put on my heart, the gifts He has blessed me with, and how
these things will guide me towards the particular purpose He has prepared. Ultimately
I pray that this blog will be a place to share stories and discoveries. For
anyone reading this that is not a believer, I do not intend to spend my time
writing as a way to debate you into believing. It is my intention to always
respect where ever each person is on his or her own individual path of life. I would
love you to continue to read my posts though, so I can share the different
places I see, people I meet, and undoubtedly crazy, spectacular (remember, I am
still Rachelle, normal really isn’t an option) experiences I am blessed with
along the way. If you have any questions, or want to talk to me about anything
I write here, I am happy to discuss whatever is on your mind, and will always
eventually respond once I come to a place with internet access. Glory to God
for this amazing opportunity! May He bless each one of you, on each of your own
journeys, too! Thank you for reading!
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by
prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to
God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your
hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
-Philippians
4:6-7
Dear Rachelle, If I wore a hat, I'd take it off to you:)
ReplyDeleteMy heart pours love to you and your journey.
MIndy
Thank you so much for your kind words Mindy! You and Ariel look after Mum for me, and I can't wait to share stories in person with ya'll come December!
DeleteYes, Rachelle, God has something special for you to do, and your beauty of spirit, your vitality, your kind nature will help you in that special mission. YWAM is a good place for you right now. God bless you with successes as you work with others to raise the hopes and dreams of less fortunate children of God.
ReplyDeleteWith love from Grandma